Many, if not most of us, have heard the phrase "Out of sight, out of mind." For this statement could not be more accurate to describe certain moments in my past and how I choose to deal with them. By not recalling any of those troubling memories, I am better able to deal with who I am in the present moment, but there are many other times where this is not the case. Sometimes I am bombarded with a voice that reminds me of my faults and bad decisions. It tells me that I am unworthy of God's grace and love because of who I was. It is even so bold as to defame my character and call out my sins one by one. So for the past ten years, I have lived with regret believing all that Satan told me and holding on to it thinking it would forever be my truth.
So when I first heard God confirm to me that I should share the Gospel through my writing, I was terrified. I undoubtedly thought God had indeed made a mistake and a whole list of fears began stirring up in my mind about why I should not take on this assignment. I even began to prepare an entire case against myself, to present to God, showing how I would not be a good fit for this task and also created a list of all the things I lacked to get started. I quickly began to agree with the voice which had tortured me all those years that I began to wonder, "How could I, a sinner, share with others the Gospel when I am in the process of relearning it myself?" But the Holy Spirit kept reminding me through my previous journal entries that I had asked for God to give my life purpose in this season. So eventually, I decided to take a chance on placing my trust in God by choosing to follow his instructions.
Since making that decision, this journey has been far from an easy one. There have been days when the doubts are so massive that I know it is nothing but the enemy trying to discourage me from continuing but on the flip side of that is the response I have received from people who can relate to a blog post along with the amazing healing that keeps happening in my own life. The Bible says in Romans 8:1 KJV "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." The word condemnation means the act of pronouncing someone guilty or sentencing them to punishment. Satan has tried to do this to me time and time again. He wants me to believe that I will never escape the bondage of my past and that I will forever be known by my sins I have committed.
Throughout this process, God has shown me that it takes faith to move forward in my life. It would have been so easy to allow myself to miss this opportunity because of the weight I felt from my sins. The Bible speaks about what to do with our burdens in 1 Peter 5:7 KJV where it says, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." We are to include every care! That means any current and past sins, doubts, and our daily thoughts as well. We are called to place our burdens on Jesus because through his death on the cross we are now able to have the gift of salvation. If you find yourself in a situation, like I was, where you become paralyzed with regret, take the time to meditate on Psalm 103:10-12 KJV which says "He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." So what are you waiting on? The time is now to keep pressing toward your calling because there is something to look forward to on the other side of your past!