This is the question I asked myself one day while sitting at home playing with my then 3-month-old daughter. In that moment, I did not know how I ended up where I had. At that time in my life, I was dealing with challenges left and right. I mean everything from financially to learning how to be a stay at home mom to learning how to trust God in the stormy season of life. Because of my past mistakes and challenges I endured, I had gotten to a point where I allowed my fears to roam wild and free. I can recall telling myself, if I just stayed in the house and didn't go anywhere then I would not be able to make mistakes anymore! Looking back, I can see just how silly my thought process was but at the time it provided me with a much-needed sense of security.
As I began to force myself to accept this way of thinking and living, I began to notice changes in my mood and behavior. Over time I became depressed and bitter due to the light, which God placed inside of me, slowly being quenched. I had gotten to a point where I had forgotten Matthew 5:16 KJV which says, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." When I was younger, I experienced this verse in action when I was walking in my purpose for that season of my life. I would constantly compare my life from how it used to be to how it was in the present. This only caused the depression and bitterness to worsen.
So one day, I took it upon myself to research how to make myself better. I looked up Youtube videos that spoke about one's purpose and read countless articles as well. I even tried the different steps each person had suggested to help discover what I should be doing with my life. This process only brought about frustration as I continued for some time seeking out my own solution to my problem. But God showed me my biggest flaw was trying to save myself and not in the advice of the people or information I had found! The Bible explains in Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast." What I had failed to do was to consult God first! He could have led me to the right person's videos or information instead of me frantically searching for my own solution.
Once this was revealed to me, I began to realize that living like a hermit crab was not the way to spend the rest of my life. (Also, John 10:10 KJV provided helpful motivation toward propelling me on the path of change.) So one day in my prayer time, I decided to ask God what did he create me for? Now mind you, the Holy Spirit did not answer my question when I first prayed about it, but a few days later I heard clearly what I needed to focus on. Lastly, keep in mind, God can show you step 1 or even the final step of where he wants you to be but at the end of the day once you have that information the question still remains
Are you planning on living or merely existing?
The choice is yours!