I have been dragging my feet on writing some books God has called me to write all because of my awareness of my sin. I know many of you may wonder what do I mean by that. Well because of the sin I still sometimes struggle with I often question how can I even be the one to speak to others about these topics God has pressed upon my heart. Last night the spirit of doubt stirred deeply within me causing me to question everything God had charged me to do. I am talking about the kind of doubt that leaves you feeling confused and in tears because you are all of a sudden not sure what you should do anymore. I began wrestling with a voice, which suddenly came from out of nowhere, questioning me with everything from
How can you preach God's word when you come from a messy past?
What are you doing, no one is going to read that?
I will never forget the day when my daughter said to her father that she did not trust him. Her words pierced me to my core and forced me to examine what I was demonstrating to her in my relationship with my husband. So allow me to back up for a minute and explain how this came about.
One day, my husband came home and suggested that we should have family night at the movies. At the time, I was pregnant and not really feeling like going out but went ahead with this plan anyway. After arriving, we walked arm in arm toward the theater and I saw some trash on the ground so I decided I would pull us around it. (Mind you...I was in the middle of our arm chain trying to lead!) Also, that same night as we were leaving, my husband guided us toward an exit and I asked if it was an emergency exit. It was at this moment that my daughter stated those heart-wrenching words.
Lately, my daughter has been questioning a lot of what I instruct her to do. For example, it could be something as simple as getting her to take shower or even getting her to get dressed, then she starts questioning me about the task because it does not make sense to her as to why or what or even when I am asking.
The Holy Spirit showed me this is how many of us treat God. When He asks us to do something, we come up with many reasons why we can't or won't do what we are being called to do. This is also shown in Luke 9:59-62 KJV when Jesus asked two men to follow him.
The Bible shows us in Matthew 4:18-20 KJV when Jesus called Peter and Andrew, "And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. And they straightway left their nets, and followed him." The word to focus in on is straightway which means right away or immediately as defined by Merriam Webster's dictionary. This is to be our example when it comes to following God's call in our lives.
So, has God instructed you to do something?
If so, how will you respond?